Exploring self worth…. what does it look like?
Until recently, I have identified as a mother a wife, as well as a business owner. I have been quite successful and I enjoy my family and our life.
I returned from a retreat with my mastermind group last week, and I had some of the most amazing revelations! While I was going over the things I learned I realized that I wanted to share them with you, so that you could benefit too.
When we first arrived at the retreat our coach asked us what we wanted to get out of our two day retreat. I realized that I needed to better understand myself in ways that were new to me. As I started to explore myself and find out who I am, I began to get fearful. I realized that I was afraid of losing my identity as a mother. It seems silly now, but I didn’t think I could be more than I was.
As I moved along this path, deeper into this journey I actually began to get physically sick. I got nauseous and a headache started to form. The symptoms increased to the point where I couldn’t even write notes anymore. Looking back on my notes I can actually see where things started to go sideways. I had also forgotten to bring my self care items to the meeting with me that morning. I had to excuse myself from the training session and go back to my hotel room. When I returned to my hotel room I took some painkillers and laid down on the bed. I convinced myself that I needed to take a few minutes, to lay there and relax.
This was not how I would have dealt with this situation before this event, I would normally have sat there and “sucked it up” until the day was over. This time I listened to myself, and believed in myself. It only took 15 minutes to complete this and return to the training. I brought my self care items back with me from the hotel room, and used my peppermint and lavender oils on the area of my head where the most pain was centered. I quickly recovered, and I was able to not only function but to truly enjoy and participate in the rest of the day and into the evening retreat events as well.
This was a new experience for me, as normally I would have put myself last and not looked after my needs for fear of making myself look weak to those around me. This would result in me being in pain and not only not getting what I needed from the retreat but also not being much fun to be around. Fun wouldn’t have been the first thing on my mind, only survival.
This was my first look getting the answers that I asked for. I am sure you have heard the saying “be careful what you wish for” or “you get what you ask for”. The intention that I set on Tuesday morning was more powerful than I thought. I am very grateful that I was surrounded by my coaches as well as a very supportive community. What I was about to uncover was not easy to get to or to get through.
I found out that I was not valuing myself as much as I thought I was. There are things that I have put in place in my life that I truly thought were there to protect me from harm. Most of those things were actually put there to keep me playing small! I have promised myself to begin taking better care of my needs, and I am excited to reap the rewards of that change!
