Today’s topic of communication is very important and in fact we often take it for granted. Regardless of who you are trying to communicate with, the most important part of the process is to make sure that the other person not only understands what you are saying but that the are interested in hearing it as well.
This issue is always near the surface in our house because we have two teenage daughters, and if you are familiar with the species they don’t always want to listen to what you have to say, and it can be difficult to make sure that they have understood what you are trying to communicate to them.
We have magnified the situation as of Saturday. We have grown our family by one teenage daughter… yes you heard that right we instantly now have 3 teenage daughters. You must be wondering why we thought that was a good idea. Our new daughter is an international student from Japan, and we thought it would be a great experience for not only us but also for her.
If we thought it was difficult to communicate before, now we have another issue. Our new daughter is still learning English and not one of us can speak Japanese.
This journey that we are taking as a family is just like trying to communicate with your followers on social media. You might be communicating by posting comments, pictures and video and you might be frustrated by the results. When you put a lot of effort and time into your updates and there is silence from your followers, you might not be “speaking their language”.
Wow! One of my favourite quotes comes from a man named Stephen Covey. This is habit #5 from his popular book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
“Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood”
Simply put, to communicate effectively you need to understand what it is your audience needs and wants from you. This is not the most efficient way to communicate, but if you really think about it communication is never about efficiency, it is about effectiveness. When we communicate efficiently there are more opportunities for error or miscommunication. When you take the time to explain things in ways that the other person can understand, it opens up clear lines of communication between you, and builds the relationship between you.
There is one other quote from Stephen Covey that is equally important in this situation
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
Read that again….
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
Think about the last time you were having a conversation with someone, especially if there was any kind of debate in the conversation. You were probably already formatting an answer to them as they were speaking to you.
Once you are aware that you are doing it, you might try to stop yourself from doing it. This is very difficult, but there are some great rewards in it. When you truly listen to the other person you may find that you learn something new either about them, about yourself or the situation that you are in.
We are all very sure that our beliefs are right, and we are trying very hard to convince others that what we believe is right, that we loose sight of the whole purpose of communicating with the other person.
After having said all that, I hope that I was able to deliver my message in a way that you not only understood, but that you enjoyed it as well.
