When you care a lot about others and are the type of person who is always putting other people’s needs before your own, at some point, you end up feeling stressed and drained. Things pile up and you never hesitate to pick up more work when it is to help others. If you still aren’t sure if you are this type of person, keep reading!.
You are surrounded by needy people
You have a need to be needed. The need for approval, for that feeling of being appreciated. This feeling can make you give everything you have to others, and you end up forgetting about yourself. When you have this type of behaviour you are teaching people how to treat you. It might not feel like it at the time, but you are teaching them that you are the go-to person, that you always say yes, and they believe that it is okay because you make it seem like it is.
It is draining to be constantly giving. At some point, you need to realize that you can’t give what you don’t have. If you don’t take care of yourself and you are always taking care of everyone you end up depleted. That makes you stressed and exhausted. You need to put a limit on how much you give, if you don’t, your body and your health will do it for you eventually.
You wish that people would give to you the way you give to them. You might think your action is purely altruistic and you are just trying to be nice, but then, later on, you feel resentful when you don’t get the same treatment. It is hard to understand that we choose to give all we have hoping other people will come and fill a gap that wasn’t even theirs to fill. The lack of our own self-esteem.
You take the blame for things that aren’t your fault
If a project doesn’t succeed, even though you did everything you promised, you blame yourself. The fact that you care about a client or a project, and you want it to succeed doesn’t mean you need to be a superhero that makes everything work like a miracle all the time.
If someone else drops the ball you are quick to cover for them. And you always end up with a plate that is way too full. A lot of us believe that it is easier to do it ourselves. This is when you typically say “Here, I’ll handle it, don’t worry”.
You would rather not argue with people so you don’t let them know how they have let you down. It seems easier to take everything on, and do it by yourself. You don’t like making people sad, angry or uncomfortable. You would rather just make sure everyone is happy and get it done.
You feel guilty for taking time for yourself
When you are used to putting others first you can end up feeling guilty for taking time for yourself. You get stuck in your business because you always put your clients first and never have time to work on your own business.
You feel guilty about spending time with friends and family when you have work you could be doing, and then you don’t enjoy your time with them as you should because you are thinking about the things you could be doing for your clients. On the other hand, you feel like you are working all the time and never spend quality time with those you love. It’s a terrible cycle of guilt.
Spending time crafting or on other things that bring you joy is one way to begin to “fill up your cup” so that you have more to give. Aside from your family, friends and work you should also have some “me time”. Doing what we love recharges us and in order to give to others, we need to have it within us. If you are depleted you can’t take care of others either. Doing those things you love, for yourself is really important.
You are constantly rescuing everyone
You are the first to “fix it” to keep people happy. You want people to constantly be happy and successful. What you don’t realize is that this isn’t good for either of you. You can care about someone and help them but when you try to shield them from everything that is bad you are preventing them from learning and experiencing things.
You feel valuable when you can be there to pick up the pieces and make things better. You like helping, making the people around you happy makes you happy. But sometimes this is coming from a place of need and you are constantly trying to fulfill your own lack of self-esteem.
You are exhausted by trying to make everyone happy around you. You try to control everything so nothing goes wrong but there are things that are out of your hands. There’s only so much time your day and you keep giving all of it to others, but still doesn’t seem like enough. That’s exhausting, stressful and damaging to your mental health.
You say YES way too much
“No” scares you. You are uncomfortable saying “no” because you feel like you are letting people down. You feel like you should always be pleasing others and saying “no” seems to go against that.
You don’t have any boundaries. Boundaries are essential to keep others, and you from stepping all over your well being. When you don’t have boundaries people don’t know what they can or can’t ask from you, and you don’t know when they are taking too much until it is too late.
You are teaching people that it is okay to take advantage of you. People get used to the way you let them treat you, to lean on you and keep asking for more and more because you consistently keep giving more. They might not even notice, it’s not saying they are trying to hurt you, you made them believe it was okay. That is why boundaries are so important.
Want to learn more about these problems and how to fix them? Come join us in the Overgivers Anonymous Podcast where we talk about how to get over – overgiving!
